I just gained 162 lbs!!!

While not related to my weight loss, today is still a very exciting day for me. My boyfriend Jay proposed last night!!! I can honestly say that I have never been happier in my life. Many of my friends will tell you that recently I had been having suspicions due to Jay's "sneaky" behavior. When his grandpa (retired jeweler) would call, Jay would sprint into another room or even into his car in the garage to talk to him. I would say that I saw a proposal on the horizon, but not last night and definitely not in the manner in which it happened! :)

You must keep in mind that many of my friends had fairy tale proposals in far off destinations or were taken on a treasure hunt in NYC, so my expectations were probably higher than most. Well....haha! This is what went down. I had been napping for the past couple of hours because ConAgra had 1:00 dismissal from work on Fridays in December, so needless to say my makeup left something to be desired. I was making my famous microwaved potato chips when Jay got a call from his grandpa. As before, he makes b-line for our bedroom and I just roll my eyes thinking that he really isn't very sneaky. There is a ring and the doorbell and Jay comes flying down the stairs again. We had decided not to buy each other Christmas gifts this year, so when a package arrived and he said it might be for me I told him he better tell me if it was because then I needed to get him something. He went upstairs (again) as I anxiously awaited my snack in true fatty fashion. Once again, Jay comes down the stairs and goes into the dining room where we have our Christmas tree. He tells me that there is something for me under the tree. I walk into the room that is dark, other than the lights from the tree and see a ring box. Jay gets down on one knee and holds the ring up and asks me if I will marry him. I of course say yes, and he hands me the ring and I put it on my finger myself (sorry I thought that was kind of funny). He is SHAKING uncontrollably and says this, "Sorry it's not that romantic, but I was so nervous and didn't want to lose the ring!" Priceless!

We decide to go downtown to celebrate by walking through all of the Christmas lights at the Gene Lehey Mall.



I honestly thought that my proposal story needed to be perfect, and you know what I realized...it is! Nothing over the top, just very honest and real. Now begins the insanity that will be the next 10 months of my life!!!!

With the good, there always comes some bad

I am entering my 6th week of the HMR program with a heavy heart. If you reference my previous post and how I "rocked it," I will tell you that the scale did not agree! If fact, it stared me right in the face and said, "F*ck You Teri!" Well not literally, but when I weighed in at my meeting I had only lost .5 lbs....yes there is a (.) in front of that 5!!! WTF right?!? I have had shits that weight more than that! Long story short, I had a mini-mental breakdown and cried like a baby for about an hour. Now I'm fine, but have come to the realization that losing weight isn't easy and it definitely doesn't equate to immediately being able to run out and by the tightest pair of spandex shorts available. There are steps we must go through, and also steps that our bodies must go through that aren't always pretty. Below are some of the anomalies that I have discovered so far.

While I have always had the "excess baggage" around my mid-section, thighs, arms, neck...pretty much every single part of my body, and the cellulite was present, I had always prided myself in knowing that I had seen skinny girls who had it a lot worse than me. It was always a complete mystery to me how a 120 lb chick could have an ass that looked like it had been through a torrential hail storm. I'm not going to lie, it was a mystery that I loved! Well it is now apparent that karma has come to bite me in the dimply ass for secretly laughing at all those skinny bitches! All this time I had never understood the fat vs. cellulite hierarchy. I thought that because I was fat with less cellulite, I didn't have a cellulite problem. Little did I know that the fat is higher on the "visibility chain" than the cellulite, meaning the cellulite has always been there but because fat trumps cellulite, I just couldn't see all of it. It was hiding, like Osama Bin Laden in my own personal fat cave!!! As the fat has begun to come off, I now have my own cottage cheese farm right on my thighs....too fucking bad I can't eat cheese! And my next question....if fat trumps cellulite, is there something that cellulite trumps? Is there some sort of mystery fat below my layers of dented tissue? Let's hope not.

Skin, ahhh skin. It is the largest organ in the human body and we treat it like absolute crap! All of my close friends can attest to the fact that I am psycho when it comes to creams. I have done it all, and still do. Eye cream, face cream, neck cream, leg cream etc., etc., etc. I even got the nickname "Ass Cream" from my previous Avon lady because she made a fortune on all the money I spent on cream that was supposed to lift and smooth the skin on my ass. Please reference the previous paragraph....it didn't work! After years and years of weight fluctuation I am pretty sure that my skin has thrown up the white flag. I have always carried a lot of weight in the middle and now that some of it is coming off I guess I just expected to have a mid section like Jillian Michaels from the Biggest Loser. Well, ladies and gentleman, it appears that I will never be rockin' the sports bra and spandex pants in public. I know, I'm sorry! If you have never seen the movie "Click" please go and rent it and wait for the part where Adam Sandler starts playing with the excess skin on his stomach. For those of you who have seen this movie...you know what I am talking about, but please still be friends with me! Mine isn't that bad, but it doesn't look like it will be snapping back into pre-fatass shape.

My last beef with losing weight.....WHERE THE HELL DID MY TITS GO?!?! Is that not the one thing that fat chicks can hold over most skinny chicks' heads? Not literally, because that would just be weird, but figuratively. That's probably the only reason I got any action in college was because of my vivacious rack. During my monthly self exam (don't make fun of me, you all should do it), I had always considered myself to have an overflowing handful. The last time I checked, this time it was just for fun, my cup did not runith over! I don't want to be picky here, but I guess when I told myself I needed to lose weight, I didn't mean in my bra!!! Everyone viewing this page KNOWS I cannot afford to replace my shrine to Victoria's Secret...it would bankrupt me!

I will end this post on a positive note by saying that I am thankful for every ounce I have dropped, but I wanted to share the little quirks that I have found puzzling as I am going through this.