The struggle continues...

I would love to not be writing this post, and honestly it is very difficult for me to do so, but I believe that it will help me in the long run. It has been MONTHS since my last post, and I am back up to 200 lbs. :(

I am almost in tears writing this. I don't know how I let 5 lbs turn into 10 lbs, then 20, then 30... It really does show me that controlling my weight will be a lifetime battle for me. In the last 5-6 months, I have put on about 30 lbs. Somehow it doesn't even seem possible.

I could no longer afford the price of phase II and made the decision to manage my weight on my own...well, to put it bluntly, I haven't. All of the good habits that I learned in the weight management program I have not practiced consistently. I work out occasionally, I have been eating pretty much whatever I want, and I have been drinking probably every weekend.

Thanksgiving is now quickly approaching and I am feeling sick to my stomach because I promised myself I would never weight 200 lbs again. I am struggling for answers or ways to get myself out of this mess.

I have tried to go back to eating the HMR foods, but my determination isn't where it was when I was on the plan. I am attempting to try my own "phase one" by drinking store brand weight loss shakes (instead of HRM shakes,), eating Healthy Choice meals (instead of HMR meals), and filling up on fruits and veggies.

I may join a gym, but want to make sure that I will actually go before I make the commitment.

I know this will work if I stick with it....so that is what I need to do.

I hope to be writing again soon saying that I reached my new goal of 190 lbs.

Wish me luck!

Phase Two....COMPLETE!

Wow...I suck at blogging! It has been over 4 months since my last post, but not much has happened since then except that I am no longer in the Weight Management program. Well, not formally anyway! My last class was in late June so I have been "on my own" for about a month. Let me tell you...it isn't easy!!! I knew that not having to go to class would make me feel a little more "free," but there were days that I really lost control!!! We have had MANY things going on in the last month; family reunions, 4th of July, traveling, visitors, more visitors and my upcoming 10 year class reunion. All of these activities in a way made me forget how much I really do need to focus on protecting my weight loss. When I lose sight of how far I've come, and where I still would like to be, the scale tends to go in the wrong direction...:(

I know that maintaining my weight will be a never ending battle, but I plan on continuing the fight!!! :)

Indoor Triathlon

So, it has been way too long but I just wanted to reassure you that I am not back on the fatty train! IN FACT...this weekend I participated in an indoor triathlon with my friend Gina. It wasn't a crazy one, just see how far/fast you could go in each event for a certain amount of time. I have to say I am pretty proud of how I did: 10 minute swim: .53 miles 30 minute biking: 7.4 miles 20 minute run: 2.1 miles They're not rock star stats, but for me they are proof of just how far I have come in the last year and a half.

Weight Management Newsletter

In more positive news, I was recently featured in Alegent Health's monthly Weight Management newsletter, which is distributed to all members of the Weight Management Program as well as anyone who is a member at any of the Alegent Health fitness centers. Here is my snippet, but kind of hard to read. Enjoy!

2012 Update

So, contrary to my previous blog some TWO MONTHS ago (really sorry about that), I have found it very VERY difficult to "get back on the wagon." I definitely see why we were told in phase one to stay in the box, meaning don't cheat! It has been such a struggle for me to go back to eating only healthy foods; shakes, entrees, vegetables, and fruit. I can't believe how quickly I became comfortable with my old eating habits again! I think now, more than ever before, I realize that I will never be "cured" of being a fatty. Part of my brain probably always will be, but hopefully the other part can fight it off! I really thought that after losing the weight I would have no desire to eat an entire plate of cookies....DAMN YOU CHRISTMAS COOKIES!!! That was not the case, sadly. I still want to eat food that is bad for me...which is very frustrating.

It has been discouraging to see the number on the scale rise in the past months, but it is a new year and I am ready for the challenge of revving up my workouts in order to combat my less-than-perfect diet. More and more I am realizing that I have to focus on both my diet AND my exercise. When one suffers, the other has to be strong. This has been a thorn in my side in the past, and I need to make it a lifetime goal to find a balance.

Here's to not giving up on myself again! Happy New Year!